Suzette Cook, LCSW

I work with couples who are on the brink of ending their relationship. Often, they come to me first to figure out whether they want to stay or go. We begin by looking back at the beginning of their relationship—what drew them to each other, what made them choose one another out of so many possibilities.

From there, we explore what’s working and what isn’t. What isn’t working is often a pattern: the same argument showing up again and again in different forms. Together, we slow that pattern down and make sense of it. We look at what’s driving it—how the ways each partner protects themselves when they feel hurt, angry, or scared in conflict are often the very things that trigger and upset the other. We also explore where those protective responses come from: early experiences, family dynamics, and what each person learned about conflict, closeness, and safety growing up.

Then we practice feeling the feelings right there in the moment. I ground each person so they know they have help with a big feeling, and then we practice sharing feelings and needs in a way that their loved one can take in. Usually it’s softer, slower, and deeper. We try to create something together that hasn’t existed before: a safe intimate space where all parts of each partner can be known, accepted, and loved. When conflict comes up and the couple can use each experience to grow closer and get to know each other more, treatment can successfully end.